Falling off the wagon

I initially started this blog as a way to hold myself accountable to my WHY and to stay focused on my goals. I also wanted to use this blog selfishly as a way to get myself out of a terrible emotional slump and a very dark depression. I felt that by helping others I will be also helping myself and to also build a community where we can all be there for one another. 

The year 2020 was the most prosperous, financially freeing year of my life! For that whole year, I finally was able to get a feel for what it was like to be financially stable. I was able to save, work on my credit, take care of my family, and pay bills on time! That was super exciting for someone who has lived below the poverty line for so many years! I even had money in 3 different types of investment portfolios for me and my daughter. Then 2020's evil step-sister, 2021 showed up and all hell broke loose. I was stripped of everything! I had to sell a ton of things to try to stay afloat until eventually I no longer could afford to have a place for my daughter and I to live in.

During the darkest times of 2021, my morning runs/jogs and exercises became my peace of mind and sanity. Because I was going through so much, running and working also kept me from going crazy! Since I was working out so often, I sustained two terrible knee injuries that prevented me from running for at least 3 months. I was forced to stop running from my doctor, and with all this downtime I had to face all the turmoil that was happening in my life head-on. Because I wasn't able to have my morning runs with God, I began to sit my grief and get even more depressed and stressed, which brought on another problem, FOOD! One thing about me, I love food! And not just any food; I really love baked goods like cookies, cake, muffins as well as Mexican and Italian food, pizza, and french fries! Everything bad for you, I love! Food is what I would consider my "Mr. Feel Good" drug! Unfortunately, Mr. only makes you feel good for a moment, and then it is back to reality, 15 lbs heavier and back to depression. And the cycle begins all over again. 

Up until now, it has been about 5 months since I have been running. So much has happened during that time and the devil keeps trying to tempt me to go back to my old self. However, what has sustained me and kept me going was my WHY! My WHY has been so strong that I can't allow myself to lose focus and return to the old me. When I weighed myself the other day and I saw that I was 180 lbs, about 20 lbs heavier than I was at my fitness peak! My muscle definition, strength, health, and endurance were all deteriorating and slowly I felt like the devil was continuing to take more from me, just like everything else in my life. I quickly came to myself and realized that although I know that I can't control the circumstances that have happened to me, I can control what is happening to my body and my health. As difficult as it has been to get back on track, I know that I can't let the devil win. He has already taken so much from me and I believe that he knows that I am capable of helping so many people when operating in my best self. So for that, I refuse to go back to the person I was and become what I used to be!

This journey has taken me for 4-years to get to a point of courage, confidence, and momentum and to also become someone who I thought only existed as my mental alter ego. The journey hasn't always been easy developing better habits for my life and my health. I worked too hard to not fight for change, fight for better, and to fight for my life! This is what makes the reason behind WHY stronger than ever before.

Whatever you want to do in life or whoever you desire to be, don’t let fear, discouragement, or setbacks keep you from accomplishing your goals. Remember, nothing in this world worth having comes easy and nothing easy is worth fighting for. The world is waiting on you and your life is waiting on you to live it in abundance.

Has life ever turned your world upside and you found it hard to stay the course? Have you thought of giving up and felt it wasn't worth it? What did you do? How did you get back on and stay the course?

I would love to hear your stories in the comments!

Making the Decision to Run

I always say that I started my running journey by default. At the time that I began, it was the only exercise option that I had. In the past, I had enjoyed indoor cycling and bike riding more but I dreaded running/jogging and tried to avoid it at all costs. You see, my relationship with running wasn’t always the best. In high school, I just couldn’t understand why people would want to run for sport; like voluntarily putting their lungs and their body through that kind of torture. As I got older, I would watch people in my neighborhood run with their chests out proud and ponytails swinging looking calm and comfortable, almost serene and therapeutic. Unfortunately, when I tried to do it, my experience was everything but therapeutic. I experienced shin splints, chest pains, burning lungs, injuries, swollen knees from arthritis and so many other things. I thought to myself, "this is the devil!" and decided to tuck that away and speak of it no more! 

Sadly, I couldn't tuck it away too long. Over the past few years, I had allowed myself to gain over 225 lbs by the age of 34! Life was doing what it does best and food was my fatal friend, stress reliever, and comforter. However, I soon realized that food didn't care about me as much as I did it. My health was affected both physically and mentally and I had to take the time to re-examine my relationship with food. I began eliminating certain foods and started introducing new food habits which actually jump-started my weight loss. I watched YouTube videos and read tons of books on clean eating and the dynamics of the body just to educate myself on how food affects the body in both good and bad ways! Since I was losing weight from the changes I had made in my diet,  I realized that my body was ready for another challenge. So I decided to give running another!

You may ask, "Why didn't she just join a gym or use other equipment?" I get it and thought the same thing myself, but unfortunately at that time, I was broke! The gym membership that I had was severely past due, in collections and I could not afford the monthly gym fees at that time. I also had an old bike that conveniently broke during this time and I couldn't afford a new one. Again, life was back at it performing its greatest hits on complicating my life! However, just as I was about to give up and procrastinate again, God spoke to me and said, "What do you have left?" I began to do a self-evaluation and realized that all I had left was my feet and all that there was left for me to do was run. So I decided to run!

Have you ever been at a crossroads in your life when your only options were to sink or swim? When all that you had, was ALL that you had? Has life ever left you stranded and the only thing left was to take a risk and run? Running as a metaphor for doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone to change the trajectory of your life. Your run could be in health/wellness or you taking a faith leap to do something that you have been dreaming of doing but never knew how, or never had the courage to do. Whatever your run is, it won't be a successful run until you have found your WHY.

Have you found the "WHY" for your run? A reason strong enough that doesn't allow you to quit when things get rough; your purpose for the run? Whatever your "WHY," what matters the most is the strength in your "WHY!" Your "WHY" has to be strong enough to motivate and withstand you during the times when things get difficult. And believe me, it isn't easy! 3 years ago, I made the decision to leave the 9-5 workforce, after a continuous cycle of layoffs that resulted in no forward momentum. What I'd learned was, that no one valued my time as much as I did and it seemed that the value I put on my time wasn't valued by those who employed me. So I made the decision to step out and create my own opportunity so that I could give others opportunities as well. Once I had made "my decision to run," that is when life hit me the hardest! However, my "WHY" was and still is stronger than whatever life tries to throw at me. If you have a dream, a calling, or a desire to do something that could change your life for the better, continue to keep pushing towards your goals because there are so many others and generations coming after you that are depending on you to succeed!

Making the decision is the easy part, seeing it all the way through is the challenge. Remember, life is waiting on YOU to make the decision to RUN!

“Waste your money and you’re all out of money, but waste your time and you’ve lost a part of your life.” - Michael LeBoeuf

228 lbs vs. 157 lbs

For my daughter to be proud of her mom, makes my "WHY" worth it!
Do you have a "WHY?" What is your "WHY?" 
 I would love for you to share in the comments.